Today is not about making people come out of the closet, today is about sharing your story (if you are comfortable doing so) and spreading knowledge on all things LGBT+. With that being said, I am willing to share my coming out story with all of you in hopes that it will provide some sort of solace or that you can take something away from it. Unfortunately, my story is a bit dramatic and long so if you don’t want to stick around for it I understand; however, I will do my best to keep it short-ish and to the point.
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| Taken by myself in Amsterdam, Netherlands 2016 |
I came out to my mother when I was 14 because she had noticed I was spending an uncomfortable amount of time with a boy from school. I came out to her... via email. Weird, right? She had emailed me first with her concern and I responded ever so boldly and told her that I wasn’t changing and there was nothing she could do about it! Her response to me was she was going to tell my dad, and this is where everything goes down hill. After he found out, he had told me that I was “sick” and that he was going to find the best medicine for me and all the best doctors to “fix me”. As a young boy I had already been dealing with these feelings and thinking that something was wrong with me, so to hear my dad solidify these thoughts and feelings really struck a chord and made me feel even worse. Thus began the several doctors visits, physicals, and exams. To which they all told my dad I was a normal and healthy kid. *Shocking* My dad then took things a step further and found a therapist for me to go to for conversion therapy. Don’t worry, it wasn’t the shock therapy and boot camp type. It was a one on one with this older gentleman who had claimed he was once gay then turned straight and could do the same for other people. Our sessions consisted of me sitting on his couch not wanting to talk and him staring at me. What a waste of $250 an hour. On top of all this my dad would keep me up til about 2am every night in my room (I would also have to be up at 6am for school), trying to talk me out of being gay and scaring me with stories of how painful gay sex is and that kissing men is gross. He even started growing out his beard and told me he wouldn’t shave it until I was “cured of being gay”. All of this going on while I was being teased, taunted, and bullied by everyone at my high school. I was the only obvious and apparent gay kid in school because lets be honest, there’s no hiding who I am. My entire family had visited my house throughout the first few weeks of me coming out (I have a huge family) and they were all visiting to try and convince me one way or another that there’s no way I was gay. “You’re too young” “You don’t know anything” “How can you be sure?” “Something has to be wrong with you” Day in and day out these are the things I’d get from my family. None of them supported me. Through all of this you’d think I was depressed or suicidal, but somehow, someway I never had suicidal thoughts and was never really that depressed. Those things came later, but that’s for another time. Luckily for me, I had an outlet; dance. Through blood, sweat, and tears I was able to convince my dad to let me audition and join the dance team, and thank goodness he did! I joined the dance team and it was my saving grace. I think that is what really saved me. That along with my most amazing friends (you know who you are). I have the most amazing support unit within my friends, and I am so thankful for them all. Without them and dance, I don’t think I’d be here today.
I don’t want my story to deter anyone from sharing theirs or to make someone feel discouraged in coming out on their own but I do want you to know that even though my story was not exactly amazing; it was still worth it in the end because I got to be my authentic self. Living a double life, or living a lie, or living “in the closet” is more detrimental than living your truth. However; if you feel that your life could be in danger should you choose to share your truth, wait it out until you are in a place and time that you can do it. If you are hiding in a closet, I implore you to find an outlet. Find something that will allow you to express yourself, get the toxins out of your system, and find a way to be able to share and live your truth. I will leave a link for those of you that feel unsafe or are unsure of what to do in your situation. I hope you take something from my story, anything. If you want to share yours in the comments section below, go right ahead! If you want to ask more about me and my story, feel free to do so! You are not alone, I promise.
A safe place for you to ask for help:
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